i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
