: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
