Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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