I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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