You're so nebulous sometimes
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
