i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
