Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
