i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
