i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
