my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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