K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
