I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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