I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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