well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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