I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
