no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
