it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
