I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
