garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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