i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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