I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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