Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
