I wish my penis had an off switch
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
