i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize