Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
