I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
The ass gains better be worth it
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