I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
