Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
