Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize