thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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