This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
two words: eviction party
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
