My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
