who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
