The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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