He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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