True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
