I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
