Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
