there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
My life is pants optional.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
