Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
