Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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