I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
