im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
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