dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize