So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm at about main and main street
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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