Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
