She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
