I will die if light touches me.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize