You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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