Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
