I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize