That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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