I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
