if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
