Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
