You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
