Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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