You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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