It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Randomize
