I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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