I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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