i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
