You made eat vitamins until I threw up
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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