He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
