Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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