Have you finally orgasmed yet?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
