it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
dude. I can hear the air.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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