she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
