Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
