I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
