all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
