Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
