I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
